Alteration: Difference between revisions

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====Prohibited Titles====
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Revision as of 11:32, 20 November 2021

Alterations are GM mediated custom changes to a facet of your character, usually an item. In most cases, these alterations are purely cosmetic, but sometimes additional factors can be added.

In addition, there is also a specific type called LTB Alterations or Premium alterations and Feature alteration that have their own special rules.

Process

Alterations can come from a variety of sources, but the two most common are merchant sessions and scroll alterations.

Merchant Sessions

Most common at festivals, alterers will show up either randomly or at prescheduled times. They will open a list, that when JOINed will place your name on said list. The list usually remains open for some time, to allow everyone to join, an occasionally it will remain open during the entire event. But usually, it will be closed after a decent amount of time, preventing any other joiners. At any point if you reconsider your decision to join the list, you may type LEAVE LIST to leave the alteration list. If the list has been closed, you will not be able to reJOIN it.

At this point, the alterer will usually either pick the first name (very uncommon) or a random name from the list (usual) to do work with. It should be noted, getting on the list does not guarantee work unless the alterer specifically states it. Some alterers will only work for five or ten people, others do multi-hour events working for fifty or more.

Like all alterations, all rare materials must be on hand and as well as payment required by the alterer. If your rare material 'fodder' is in many small pieces; compare the total volumes and make an educated guess on what your alteration will require. Put the like-type alteration materials in a simple pouch you won't want back. Keep any other materials separate to make the alterer's life easier.

Assistants

It has become more common in recent years for alterers to employ player assistants to do the initial examination of someone's idea, as these people tend to be experienced in the process. They'll help people with incomplete ideas enhance them, pick out any typos or rules violations, and just generally clean up the idea. While it is not required that the assistant's ideas be listened to, it is highly likely the alterer will not look favorably upon complete disregard of their rule corrections.

Role-playing Considerations

Role-playing considerations are always in play. This is the case with any live merchant anywhere, regardless of if it happens during a paid event or not. Live merchants are role-playing events.[1]

For example, if you're playing a Perverse-aligned character, it might not go well when you show up to a religious Rakash merchant.

Alteration Scrolls

Scroll alterations are often done either through the LTB system or as a reward for purchasing an event. These differ in that all contact with the alterer is done via an in-game item, the scroll, and depending on the complexity or requests, may take several days.

Not all alteration scrolls are equal. Depending on the scroll's source, the types of items you can have worked performed on will vary. More complex items require that the merchant processing your request have more clearances — not all GameMasters can work on all items. Some items cannot be altered via scroll, period.

LTB Scrolls

Generally speaking, this type of alteration will consist of a holdable/wearable, non-magical item that isn't heavily scripted. Cambrinth items are also acceptable. These are always cosmetic changes only.

Event-Tier Scrolls

Scrolls obtained through events can (again, generally speaking) be used on more complex items than Long-Term Benefit (premium) scrolls. As with LTB scrolls, any changes would be strictly cosmetic (only be to the tap/look/read, not to the functionality or messaging).

Examples of items you might be able to alter with Event scrolls but not with LTB scrolls: magical foci, and weapons/armor with flare enchantments.[2]

A comprehensive list of guidelines for Corn Maze scrolls can be found here.

Errors & Buyer's Remorse

Alterations are final. Once a design is agreed upon that's it. Please ensure that you're happy with the final results before leaving the session. Try not to feel rushed, or that you're holding up the line. Everyone involved in the process wants you to walk away with a product you'll be happy with. Sometimes that can take a while.

  • If you're attending a merchant session and cannot agree upon a design the "slot" can be refunded. You're not committed and can walk away. Just ask.
  • Items can be re-altered. Where and how you do that depends on what the item is. If it's something that can only be done by a merchant you'll have to resubmit it to a merchant.
  • If you have a typo (it happens) you can ASSIST about it.
  • If you just want to change something, though, it's treated as a new alteration. Another slot, another scroll, etc.

String Limits

Type Command To See Length/Guidelines
Item SHORT (base item) 15/15/15, "article,adjective,noun"
Item TAP INV HELD Cannot exceed 80 characters. No commas.
(including the leading article a/an/some and spaces)
Item LOOK LOOK [ITEM] Try to stay under 500 characters. 512 characters is the hard limit.
Item READ READ [ITEM] 50 characters and 10 words
Post room strings 80 characters and 10 words. No commas.
Atmospheric Messages Ideally the length of a TAP (around 80). Some wiggle room. Keep it as short as possible.
Titles 20 characters and 2 words. (Adding connecting words is ok within reason.)
Custom Maker's Marks 150 characters. Automatically prefixed with with "the image of" and appended "with impressed into the material's surface" (not counted in character count limit).
Custom DEPART messages No longer than 500 characters, including spacing and punctuation.
Custom login/logout messages Maximum 150 characters for what you see when you log in or out.
Maximum 90 characters for what shows up in the Arrivals window.

Note: There must be two spaces between all sentences.

This tool can be helpful in keeping your alteration idea within character count limits: http://drservice.info/static/alterationbuddy.htm

Items

General Rules

  • The merchant has the final say.
  • Merchants generally do not add special mechanics or scripts to items.
  • Merchants generally do not change where an item is worn or how much it can hold.
  • The short description is purely mechanical, and is how you interact with the item. It is setup 15/15/15, "article,adjective,noun".[3]
  • Players do not have to define this, as it's usually obvious and straightforward. If you have specific preferences, however, please state them to the merchant or their assistant.
  • The tap (the name of the item that you see when you type INV HELD) cannot exceed 80 characters (including the leading article a/an/some and spaces)
  • The tap cannot contain commas. (Commas serve as separators in inventory lists.)
  • The look (what you see when you type LOOK [ITEM]) cannot exceed 512 characters, including spaces and punctuation. (There must be two spaces between sentences.)
  • A read (what you see when you type READ [ITEM]) should be no more than 50 characters and 10 words. (Most writing should be in a separate read and not in the tap or look.)
  • Words or phrases in any racial language will have to be verified and may not be possible at all times.
  • Character names are generally not allowed.
  • Phrases and writing should ideally be in the READ and not the LOOK. Be aware that the system automatically appends the phrase "There appears to be something written on it." when the READ is populated, so having written text in both locations (or referring to the READ text in the LOOK) can occasionally produce awkward results.
  • If containers are being used as a source for material (and not the item altered), they must be empty.
  • Items named after a race are usually not permitted. For instance a Kaldaran shield needs to be specifically described in such a way that it can only be Kaldaran.

Magic & Lighting

  • The words "rune", "sigil", and "glyph" are reserved for the magic and enchanting systems and are not permitted. Using these on items inherently implies they are magical. Even actual magical items should also not have these terms unless they were originally designed to have runes, sigils, or glyphs on them.
  • Other synonyms, such as "symbols", "markings", or "cursive script" are usually permitted. (Generally, the closest you can get is "symbols resembling celestial sigils" as celestial sigils generally have a defined look.)
  • An item can be described as having light bouncing off it. This does not need any special modifiers such as "when the light hits it" or "in the light". It's generally assumed that if a player can see the item, there's enough light around for the item to also sparkle. However, a should not be described as 'brightly lit' all the time.
  • Items cannot glow or otherwise emit their own light (unless one of its materials naturally glows). Shimmering and other similar words are acceptable. Even if a gem is described as "glowing", an item should not be made to "glow" by itself. Glowing is generally reserved for scripted or magical items (gaethzen for example).
Good: "sparkling", "gleaming", "scintillating", "shining", "glistening", "shimmering", "brilliant", "vivid", etc
Bad: "glowing", "pulsating", "burning", "incandescent", "luminescent"
Grey area: "luminous", "fiery"

An Item's History

The history of the item cannot be described, as a stranger looking at it would have no way of knowing this information:

  • It is okay to artificially "age" an item during an alteration. However, the description should be what you can see in front of you -- while it may be apparent that an item has been "torn and then repaired several times", it's impossible to know that it's because a player "got in a fight with an angry hoard of badgers and came out victorious". Write what you see, not what the player knows what happened.
  • A good way to get around this is to make a small scene showing what happened.
  • Bad: "The backpack has been torn several times by angry badgers over the long years, and repaired by the steady hand of Catrox."
  • Better: "The backpack has been torn and repaired several times, apparent from the different threads used in each stitching. A small hoard of angry badgers is painted onto the front."
  • As above, descriptions of the cause of damage to an item are not permitted. However, the damage itself is usually acceptable. (For example, you might describe a robe as "scorched" but can't say that the damage was caused by a lightning strike.)
  • It is okay to use the word "worn" on an item as long as it's obvious it refers to age instead of it being physically worn. "Old" is also acceptable -- unclear if this is still true. The word "antique" should generally be avoided because it implies inflated value. Antiquated is not acceptable because it denotes age on items. The word "antiqued" is better as it could be referring to a process of apply fake aging.
  • Descriptions of the origin, provenance, or chain of ownership of the item are not permitted.
  • Bloodstains are okay, but need to be dried blood (which is a rusty brown, not crimson). Where the blood came from should be ambiguous -- IE you should not describe it as "Human" blood or "leucro blood" or "pig blood". Pretty much all blood looks the same.

How It's Worn

  • Some descriptions should specify "when worn" or similar phrasing to prevent confusion or strangeness when an item is not being worn.
  • Items need to be described in a way that it makes sense no matter if it's on a player, in a backpack, stuffed in a vault, or lying on the ground. The item descriptions also need to be gender-neutral, and not use 'his' or 'her' pronouns unless scripted to handle that.
  • The easiest way to get around this rule is to use such as "cut to", "designed to", "made to". It's also acceptable to use "wearer" to some extent, which implies that if there isn't a wearer, the item isn't currently in that state.
  • Avoid: "the silk train drapes to the floor behind her".
  • Better: "the silk train is designed to drape to the floor behind the wearer".
  • Also avoid describing the WEARER's body. For instance, "an evening dress cut to reveal the soft skin beneath" does not take into account Prydaens, S'Kra Mur, people with hardened or weathered skin, and so on.

Style: Races, Locations & Guilds

Places, provinces, and cities are always capitalized. This includes in items.

Races are always capitalized. This includes in items. The proper spellings are as follows:

Singular Plural Race Item Language
Human Humans the Human race a Human [item] Gamgweth
Dwarf Dwarves the Dwarven race a Dwarven [item] Haakish
Elf Elves the Elven race an Elven [item] Ilithic
Halfling Halflings the Halfling race a Halfling [item] Olvio
Gor'Tog 1 Gor'Togs the Gor'Tog race a Gor'Tog or Toggish [item] Toggish
Elothean Elotheans the Elothean race an Elothean [item] Gerenshuge
S'Kra Mur 2 S'Kra Mur the S'Kra Mur race a S'Kra [item] S'Kra (spoken) or Eth'ral'khh (written)
Gnome Gnomes the Gnome race a Gnomish [item] Gorbesh
Kaldar Kaldar the Kaldar race a Kaldaran [item] Gorbesh
Prydaen Prydaens the Prydaen race a Prydaen item Prydaenese
Rakash Rakash the Rakash race a Rakash item Rakash
  1. Gor'Tog can be informally shortened to "Tog".
  2. S'Kra Mur can be informally shortened to "S'Kra".

An example of singular, plural, race, and item:

Singular: He is an Elf.
Plural: There are four Elves over there.
Race: The Elven people have many different clans.
Item: This is an Elven longsword.

Profession names are capitalized when talking about the profession as a whole, but not when talking about an individual. The proper spelling is as follows:

Profession Individual
Paladins' Guild a paladin
Barbarians' Guild a barbarian
Rangers' Guild a ranger
Clerics' Guild a cleric
Empaths' Guild an empath
Warrior Mage Guild a warrior mage 1
Thieves' Guild a thief
Moon Mage Guild a moon mage
Bards' Guild a bard
Traders' Guild a trader
Necromancer Guild a necromancer 2
  1. "warrior mage" can be informally shortened to "war mage".
  2. "necromancer" can be shortened to "necro".
  • Avoid using "cutesy" names like "pally", "warmie", "teef", "moonie", etc in items except within quotes, preferably within the READ or LOOK.

Out of Bounds

  • Items cannot dictate how people feel or react. (For example, your armor can't strike fear into the hearts of your enemies.)
  • Items cannot imply that they have mechanics they do not have. For example, stalking leathers can be "designed to aid stealth," but they do not actually and cannot be said to aid the wearer in moving about.
  • Obvious out-of-genre or out-of-character references/designs are not permitted.
  • Nothing obscene, vulgar, or sexually explicit is permitted.
  • Items in DragonRealms should generally not be more than PG-13. Players wearing "nothing special" are assumed to be wearing very boring underwear. How a player dresses their character is up to them, but items should not be written with an inherently racy undertone to them.
  • Avoid: Garter belt, halter-top, panties, thigh-high fishnet stockings, bra, bikini, boxers, ANY "adult toys"
  • Generally Okay: garter (wedding garter), halter-neck top, bustier, bandeau, chemise, corset, loincloth
  • Avoid collars (outside priest collars used for that purpose). "Choker", "scarf", and "torque" are better alternatives.

Material Changes

General Items

Generally speaking you can change the base materials of clothing, containers, and fluff items. Don't change the essence of what the item fundamentally is.

Instruments

  • Instrument material cannot be changed via scroll alterations.
  • Only a live alterer can change the composition of an instrument (wood to metal for example) and only if it makes sense.
  • A live alterer can change the appraisal of your instrument but not the difficulty of the instrument.

Weapons & Armor

If a specific material is specified in the tap you may not change the item to be constructed of something else entirely. Adding embellishments using secondary materials is fine.

  • The item material not changing is mostly for weapons and armor. You can usually move it from the tap to the look, though.
Example: if you have "a steel sword" you could make it...
TAP: a long sword with icesteel inlay
LOOK: The steel of the sword is sharpened to a fine point.
  • Partially, this has to do with the fact that different materials create a different template. And, if it is forged and reclaimed, someone down the line could be really confused as to why their silversteel sword gave them a hunk of regular old steel.

Noun Changes

General Items

A dress can change into a gown – they are both the same thing, usually worn in the same place! A pack can be a rucksack – they're both the same thing, usually worn in the same place! Shoes can be boots, or slippers, or flats, or heels. These changes are ok! A ball can be a globe, a medallion can be a medal. A charm can be a trinket! But if we're changing it, it has to make sense for the item and match the worn place. (A dress could not become a skirt, because those items are worn in different slots.)

Note: An example of an item from years ago with an incorrect worn-place is not justification to make your item a thing it doesn't make sense to be!

Some merchants are willing to change the noun to a racial noun when appropriate. For example, a "robe" might become a "gamantang" or an "odaj."

Always, noun changes are up to the discretion of the merchant. If they say no, that means no.

Weapons & Armor

Weapons and armor have templates. Many systems touch them, and they should generally be left alone. When a katana is made it uses a katana template. A sword has a sword template.

Now, as a general rule the noun is not alterable. There is a slim chance that you may happen across a special merchant who is run by a GM that has the knowledge and ability to see what else a certain template touches, what other systems are effected by the templates, and make modifications so as to not break your thing in the certain circumstances that you touch another one of those systems with it.

The number of GameMasters approved to make these changes on the fly is very low and those with the necessary clearances generally do not have much time for performing alterations.

It’s not a never thing but it is super rare and if the merchant says no that means that they literally can’t.

Maker's Marks

Incorporating Marks

Maker's marks on player-made equipment have some special rules:

  • If a mark is present on a piece of equipment, it must be incorporated in the new design. There are no exceptions, even if the crafter is present to waive the requirement.
  • Custom maker's marks must retain their full mark in its original form. A custom mark could theoretically be moved from into the READ, assuming such a change makes sense contextually.
  • On standard marks, you do NOT have to keep the exact wording (e.g. "You see the initials 'C. M.' impressed into the surface of the metal"). You can change it to something similar as long as the mark and initials remains on the item.
  • If a mark is not present on an item, and you want to add it to the item, the merchant must be able to independently verify who made it. There appears to be a short window of time (a few days) in which it is possible to tell who made it even without a mark.[4]

Custom Mark Creation

  • You must provide your own basic stamp. Work cannot be performed on someone else's stamp.
  • Design can be no more than 150 characters in length, and will be automatically prefixed with with "the image of" and appended "with impressed into the material's surface" (not counted in character count limit).
  • This is an actual, physical marking. The design cannot be animated or magical, nor can it shimmer or shine. There is no guarantee of complete uniqueness — some elements may be shared with other stamps.

Magical/Scripted Items

Many items with special magical effects or scripts can only be worked on by certain merchants. Please ask in advance and come prepared with a Plan B in case your merchant cannot work on the item.

Additionally, some items (such as the dull serpent earcuff) have special alteration rules or cannot be altered at all. If known, such rules or limitations will be described on the relevant item page.

Note: generally, an item cannot have two scripts. Some examples...

  • Feature-modifying jewelry can not also function as a magical item hider
  • Holy weapons can not have soulstones added.
  • The hold-x-items containers cannot have ice-veined leather added.
  • Shimmering (color-changing) clothing cannot have additional verbs added.

Examples of items with magical effects or scripts that may require a special merchant:

Feature-modifying Items

Q - Can they be altered?
A - Yes, they can be altered, but only the TAP usually shows up in features, and sometimes (depending on the setup) only the SHORT. Alterers likely will not change that setting in a session.
Q - Can they be altered via LTB scroll?
A - Yes, but probably not "location" change.
Q - Are there any special rules (character limits, etc)?
A - No limits other than the normal. Because these can be pushed into the features and pulled out, the TAP should never mention anything about the features, it should only be the item.
Q - Is their script stackable with any other scripts (like hiders, etc.)?
A - Not stackable, but should work with beard jewelry script as well, so you can wear both.

Titles/Professions in Item Designs

The guidelines for incorporating titles in items are basically as follows:

  1. If it's not on this list of pre-approved titles, the character getting the alteration done will need to be able to wear the title.
  2. The title that ends up on the item will be lowercase and the same as the one worn (no mixing titles or using partial titles).
  3. The desired title needs to make sense as an item descriptor. (Some of our titles just don't work on items.)
  4. Ideally, the design should make it clear how that item is suited for the profession being used as a descriptor. For example, a "legionary's" pack might have adjustable straps ensuring optimal weight distribution, reducing fatigue during long marches.

Explicitly Permitted Titles

  • actor
  • advocate
  • alchemist
  • animal handler
  • apothecary
  • architect
  • archer
  • aristocrat
  • armorer
  • artisan
  • artist
  • astrologer
  • baker
  • banker
  • barber
  • barkeep
  • barmaid
  • beekeeper
  • beer seller
  • beggar
  • blacksmith
  • boatman
  • bookbinder
  • bookseller
  • brewer
  • buckle maker
  • builder
  • butcher
  • caravan leader
  • carpenter
  • cartographer
  • captain (nautical themed)
  • chandler
  • charioteer
  • chatelaine
  • chef
  • chieftain
  • chirurgeon (surgeon)
  • clergyman/clergywoman
  • clerk
  • clock maker
  • clothworker
  • cook
  • cooper
  • copyist
  • counselor
  • courtier
  • cowherd
  • crossbowman
  • cutler
  • dairymaid
  • diplomat
  • distiller
  • diver
  • diviner
  • domestic servant
  • explorer
  • farmer
  • fighter
  • first mate
  • fisherman
  • fishmonger
  • footman
  • furrier
  • gardener
  • gladiator
  • glovemaker
  • groom (animal groomer)
  • harness maker
  • hatmaker
  • hay merchant
  • hearthwitch
  • herald
  • herbalist
  • herder
  • hermit
  • highwayman
  • illuminator
  • innkeeper
  • interpreter
  • inventor
  • jailer
  • jester
  • jeweler
  • jongleur
  • judge
  • knight
  • laborer
  • lady
  • lady in waiting
  • leatherworker
  • locksmith
  • longbowman
  • maidservant
  • majordomo
  • man at arms
  • mason
  • mercer
  • merchant
  • messenger
  • midwife
  • miller
  • miner
  • minstrel
  • monk
  • mortician
  • mourner
  • nun
  • nurse
  • page
  • painter
  • pariah
  • pastry cook
  • peasant
  • perfumer
  • philosopher
  • physician
  • pigkeeper
  • pilgrim
  • plasterer
  • potter
  • priest/ess
  • professor
  • pursemaker
  • ratcatcher
  • roofer
  • ropemaker
  • rugmaker
  • sailor
  • scabbard maker
  • sculptor
  • saddler
  • scavenger
  • scholar
  • scrivener
  • servant
  • shaman
  • shepherd
  • ship's captain
  • shoemaker
  • silversmith
  • smith
  • soldier
  • spice merchant
  • squire
  • stablehand
  • storyteller
  • steward
  • surveyor
  • swordsman
  • sycophant
  • tailor
  • tanner
  • tavernkeeper
  • tax collector
  • teamster
  • thatcher
  • tinker
  • town crier
  • trapper
  • vendor
  • vermin catcher
  • vintner
  • warrior
  • water carrier
  • weaver
  • wine seller
  • witch
  • wizard
  • woodcarver
  • woodcutter
  • wood seller

Prohibited Titles

Some titles are not permitted in items, even if the character can display the title.

  • ambassador, royal advisor, seneschal, etc.: This includes any items with names or descriptions that imply royalty or royal appointments.
  • assassin, enforcer, hitman, etc.: This includes any items with crime-related names or descriptions.
  • commander, corporal, general, sergeant, etc.: This includes any items with names or descriptions referring to military ranks or insignia (other than "Captain" for ship owners).
  • galley slave, slave, slaver, etc.: This includes any items with slavery-related names or descriptions.
  • sniper, hunter: This includes any items with sniper- or hunter-related descriptions.
  • Torturer: This includes any items with torture-related names or descriptions.

Do not ask for any adornment or description with wording that signifies a special military rank, governmental position, royal connections or appointments. The exception to this rule is the title "captain" for nautical/boat themed items. Any ranks above captain (admiral, etc.) ARE, however, subject to this rule.

Avoid requesting an alteration that mentions a reference to royal ancestors or divine lineage. We want to try to keep historic lore within that which has been approved for the game. Likewise, we have a distinguished list of gods and goddesses and feel there are enough to go around.

Restricted Materials

If you wish to use the below materials in an alteration you must provide them. This doesn't cover depictions of the materials (e.g. embroidery of a vela'tohr flower). Some of this information was taken from the list on the DragonRealms Wedding Team website and Keishalae's list.

Some materials have special alteration rules or limitations. If known, such rules or limitations will be described on the relevant material page.

Below is a partial list of restricted materials. Please check the relevant material's wiki page for any special materials you may be considering.

Fabric

Furs & Leather

Creature Parts & Bone

Metals

Stone & Runestone Materials

Woods

Flowers & Plants

Flower-specific guidelines as per GM Winna, Nov 2018: Actual flowers need to be provided if actual flowers are intended to be in the altered item. For example, if a person wanted 'an elaborately woven wreath of dusky purple phofe flowers', they would need to provide the flowers. If they only wanted 'an elaborately woven wreath of sculpted silver phofe flowers', they would not need to provide the fresh flowers.

Gems

Special Techniques & Processes

Some items are created with special techniques and processes and may have special rules. Items utilizing these processes may not be alterable, or may require a special merchant.

This is not a definitive list. As always, the merchant has the final say.

Tattoos

Template:TattooAlterationRules

Features

Titles

  • These rules apply only to pre- and post-titles. Affiliation titles ("of XYZ") are not available via alteration.
  • 2 words, maximum. (Adding connecting words is ok within reason.)
  • 20 characters, maximum (May have a very LITTLE wiggle room here.)
  • Title cannot currently be in the system.
  • If your request uses a title that is in the system, you must meet all requirements for that title. Please use the TITLE FIND command for your requested title. You must qualify for all parts of your request. If you want to use "Guardian Knight" then you must check both "guardian" and "knight" to be sure that you qualify for both. You must display anything that is bound by a requirement, so be prepared to put those titles on.
  • The GM working with you has the final say on the title.
  • Please do NOT pick up the custom title pins with only one title in mind. If your initial choice is turned down, there are no refunds on these pins. You should only get a custom title pin if you have numerous potential titles in mind.

Creatures

Specific SubTypes

Writing Tips

Show, Don't Tell

We're in a text-based world, and rely on words to convey the images since graphics are absent. With that in mind: "show, don't tell." Or, to coin a phrase from school: "active versus passive voice."

Let us note here that passive voice is NOT incorrect by any means, and there are many people that prefer passive voice to active voice. It's a bit of a personal fingernail-on-chalkboard for some, and some GMs and Assistants will try and talk you out of it, but it's NOT incorrect. However, the difference is that passive voice tends to "list" things, while active voice tends to "paint a picture". Active voice isn't an easy way to write for a lot of people, but if it's something you can get a handle on, you may find it more pleasant to read through. And, as a bonus, you may find that using active voice trims words out of the description, making it more concise.

The "Flow" of Your Alteration

Your inventory is normally in an arranged order, flowing from head to toe in a logical sequence.

Your alteration should probably do the same. There are many options when considering the flow of an item: back to front, front to back, top to bottom. Broad to detailed, or vice versa. It doesn't matter which direction you choose, but choose one and go with it. Consider the following:

Option 1: The cloak features a sequined red fox across the back, tail curled and brushing the hem. A ruby clasp framed in gold closes the garment, while red-tipped fox fur lines the hood. Tiny rubies stitched along the hem complement the clasp, and brush the sequined tail. The body of the cloak is lined with snowbeast fur.
Option 2: The cloak features a sequined red fox across the back, tail curled and brushing the hem. Red-tipped fox fur lines the hood, blending into the snowbeast fur that lines the body of the cloak. A ruby clasp framed in gold closes the garment, complementing the tiny rubies stitched along the hem.

Both options present the same features, but how does your eye flow in your imagination?

Option 1: Back of cloak on the outside, front of the cloak, inside top of the cloak, bottom outside of the cloak to the bottom of the back of the outside of the cloak, inside body of the cloak.
Option 2: Back of the cloak, inside of the cloak, front of the cloak, bottom of the cloak.

The eye of your imagination follows a more logical progression with Option 2, making you more inclined to have a full visual picture of the cloak when you are done reading.

Other Tips

  1. When you SHOW an item to someone else they see the TAP, followed immediately by the LOOK. The first sentence of your item's description shouldn't rehash what you just said in the TAP. Avoid repeating yourself, particularly right out of the gate.
  2. Examine your word choices and phrasing. Do they work well together, across the alteration? If you're trying to evoke a certain feeling: using themetic words, or just swapping out a couple here or there, can help tremendously. Grab a thesaurus!
  3. If you've written something and aren't pleased with it, examine the structural bits. Read the whole thing and see if it works together. Excellent flow is often what separates good alterations from great ones.
  • Think about the cadence. Are your sentences all the same length and shape? Varying the sentence structure, even just slightly, can give your design a big boost.
  • Similarly, do all of your sentences start the same way? Watch out for overuse of "a/the". There are other great ways to begin.

References

  1. ↑ Post:Social Outrage - 12/03/2017 - 13:03
  2. ↑ Post:Corn Maze Scroll Alteration Guidelines - 12/24/2020 - 04:56
  3. ↑ For some insight on how this works mechanically, particularly with adjectives, see this post.
  4. ↑ Personal alteration experience
  5. ↑ Also see: this older post, which has some background/lore information.

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