April Fools' Day

2011

So far...

• Humorous arrival and departure messaging
• Humorous death messaging
• Barbarians have to PREP a dance instead of using DANCE.
• GM Socharis announced "a rather robust overhaul of the way race is handled in DR."

Appraisal

Equipment appraisal values were replaced with netspeak. (See 2009 for the old scales.)

Weapon Damage

Real Value	Joke Value
no	no
dismal	ughh
poor	hurgh
low	guh
somewhat fair	ugh
fair	meh
somewhat moderate	eh
moderate	store-bought
somewhat heavy	sweet
heavy	super sweet
very heavy	slick
great	awesome
very great	bodacious
severe	woot
very severe	wicked-awesome
extreme	cool
very extreme
mighty	dude!
very mighty
bone-crushing
very bone-crushing
devastating
very devastating
overwhelming
annihilating
obliterating

Balance and Power

Real Value	Joke Value
not
terribly
dismally	pitifully
poorly	lamely
inadequately	not very
fairly	hardly
decently	acceptably
reasonably	sweetly
soundly	awesomly
well	fantabulously
excellently	awesometastically
superbly
incredibly
unbelievably

Construction

Real Value	Joke Value
extremely weak
very delicate
quite fragile
rather flimsy
particularly weak
somewhat unsound against damage
appreciably susceptible to damage	lame/kind of lame
marginally vulnerable to damage	kind of lame/of average lameness
of average construction	unlame
a bit safeguarded against damage	far from lame
rather reinforced against damage	sokay
quite guarded against damage	sokay
highly protected against damage
very strong
extremely resistant to damage
unusually resilient to damage
nearly impervious to damage
practically invulnerable to damage

---

2010

April Fool's was more subdued in 2010 than it was in previous years. Simutronics recycled the funny appraisal messages from 2009 and the death messages from 2008 and 2009. Caravans had unusual appearances. Thieves received an announcement about Ambika returning and setting up her wagon in Crossing, as well as the character logging in; upon attempting to enter the wagon, they were told that it was restricted to adventurers between 151st and 200th circle.

2009

2009 had more April Fool's jokes than most years.

Appraisal

Equipment appraisal values were replaced with netspeak.

Weapon Damage

Real Value	Joke Value
no	no
poor	guh
low	ugh
fair	meh
moderate	store-bought
heavy	sweet
great	super-sweet
severe	woot
bone-crushing	omghax
devastating
god-like

Balance and Power

Real Value	Joke Value
not
dismally	craptacularly
poorly	pitifully
fairly	not very
reasonably	decently
well	acceptably
excellently
superbly
incredibly
unbelievably

Armor Hindrance

Real Value	Joke Value
unhindered
insignificant	mildly annoying
light	uncalled for
fair	VERY ANNOYING
somewhat
moderate	borderline-abusive
very
high
great	ridonkulous
extreme
overwhelming
insane	insane

Armor Protection

Real Value	Joke Value
none
poor	ROFLCOPTER
low	LOLPWNT
fair	uber weak
moderate	weak
good	hawt
high	supah hawt
great	way hawt
extreme
incredible
impressive
god-like

Armor Absorption

Real Value	Joke Value
none
poor
low
fair
moderate	wait, what?
good	good 'nuff
high	hardcore
great	gr8
extreme
incredible
impressive
god-like

Shield Protection

Real Value	Joke Value
very poor
poor
rather low	pooparific
low
fair	pooptastic
better than fair
moderate
moderately good
good
very good
high
very high	quasi-poopish
great
very great
impressive	starting to become $Qacceptable$Q
very impressive
tremendous	your version of mediocre
incredible
god-like

Construction

Real Value	Joke Value
extremely weak	leet
flimsy
somewhat flimsy	pretty dang lame
of average strength	somewhat lame
fairly sturdy	sorta lame
moderately strong	of average lameness
well-constructed	not quite lame
very strong	unlame
quite hard	not lame at all
incredibly hard
unbelievably strong

---

Arrivals and Departures

There were different arrival, departure, and death messaging.

Arrival

• Name just cartwheeled into Elanthia. Whoops!
• Name just twitched his nose into existence.
• Name was incorrectly placed into the adventure by the system. Haha.
• Name was just deposited into the adventure by a mighty dragon!
• Name was just rippled into the adventure! (Really he was sneezed in! Shh!)
• Name's horse just threw him into the adventure. Catch!

Departure

• Name blinked back home to check his pet rock.
• Name just got sent home by the system. So long!
• Name lept upon his horse and trotted home.
• Name tried to cartwheel home, but didn't quite make it!
• Name was carried home by a mighty dragon!
• Name was just rippled out of the adventure!

---

Profiles

Roleplay Stance

Real Value	Joke Value
None	I'm all about the numbers!
Light	Arr-Peee?
Medium	I telleth ye yea, sirrah
Heavy	LARPer

PvP Stance

Real Value	Joke Value
Closed	Leave me alone plz, kthxbai
Guarded	Don't muck with me unless you tell me first!
Open	Kill me now please!

---

Other Jokes

Fake sudden death messages advised players that "Your body will decay beyond its ability to hold your soul in 30 seconds."

Mice and other strange animals pulled Trader caravans.

In the Crossing, there was a huge pile of platinum Kronars, and when you tried to get them, it said, "You reach out to touch the Kronars, but your hand passes right through them!"

As in 2008, you could see the "Fourth Wall" if you observed the sky.

---

2008

Field Experience

Field experience values were reversed. This had the effect of temporarily breaking scripts that checked for current field experience.

Field Experience Values

Apparent Value	Actual Value
mind lock	clear
dazed	learning
bewildered	thoughtful
bewildering	pondering
perplexed	concentrating
perplexing	muddled
very muddled	very muddled
muddled	perplexing
concentrating	perplexed
pondering	bewildering
thoughtful	bewildered
learning	dazed
clear	mind lock

---

Deaths

• Luckily, Name does not have but one life to give to his country!
• Name has just joined the choir invisible!
• Name is an ex-Guild!
• Name is crunchy and tastes good with ketchup.
• Name is having tea and crumpets with Kalag.
• Name is only mostly dead!
• Name just burnt himself into ashes!
• Name just got served!
• Name just got wai 2 srs!
• Name just passed on. He is no more. He has ceased to be.
• Name just pinched his nose and tried to sneeze!
• Name just said hello to my little friend.
• Name just snatched the sock puppet off of Urrem'tier's hand! Not smart!
• Name just stole Urrem'tier's pizza!
• Name just tried to join the Necromancer Guild!
• Name just tried to pick Kertigen's pocket!
• Name just watched "Two Togs, One Mug".
• Name just went (somewhat) gentle into that good night.
• Name just went down the road more travelled.
• Name just won a Darwin Award!
• Name needs a lot more Evasion. L2P!
• Name needs to learn how to duck. Seriously...
• Name was just eaten by a grue.
• Name was just PWND!
• Name will blame it on the rain, yeah, yeah. (Gotta blame it on something.)
• Name's metabolic processes are now history!
• They can take Name's life, but they can never take his FREEDOM!

Other Jokes

When observing the heavens, characters would see the "fourth wall." (The concept of the "fourth wall" originated in theater but now applies to the imaginary boundary between any fictional setting and its audience.)

---

2007

System Announcements

System Announcement: All jadeite gwethdesuans will now play "99 bottles of beer on the wall" when you have an incoming thought. Please do not assist, as turning this feature off is considered an in-game puzzle.

System Announcement: As of now, the "Real Gems" program has been discontinued, to be replaced by the "Real Hens" program. Players finding a chicken in the game will be sent an actual pullet via the U.S. Postal System. Please be sure your mailing address is up to date to prevent misrouted poultry. No P.O. boxes, please.

System Announcement: As our gift to you, the players, items deposited in a trash receptacle will be placed into a random player's inventory. Please do not assist to thank us if you are suddenly overburdened with 400 globs of blocil pulp.

System Announcement: As part of magic changes, all three moons are being rolled into one "Moon 2.0." and will be rainbow-colored. A 400-page users' guide will be posted shortly

System Announcement: Due to popular demand, mostly by women, use of razors will now have a random 5% chance of decapitation. Please shave at your own risk.

System Announcement: Effective immediately, the new "outhouse" system is live. Outhouses themselves should be in place next week. Look for new functionality to the "go" verb and please remember that all town littering laws are still in effect.

System Announcement: For Barbarian purposes, the definition of "magic" has been expanded to include the mysteries of "I've got your nose" and "counting past ten." Enjoy!

System Announcement: Gnomish bards may now electrify their musical instruments. They may incur a 10% chance of electrocution. In related news, players with broomsticks can now use them to bang on the ceiling and complain of excessive noise.

System Announcement: If you are assisting as to the location of outhouses, please cancel your assist. You should have thought of that before we left home.

System Announcement: In order to re-balance the Elanthian economy and encourage stamina training among our player base, the new official currency of Elanthia is giant stone coins. Please trade in your platinums at the nearest bank within the next 24 hours. Thank you.

System Announcement: In order to simplify our mythology for newer players, all gods have been renamed after the Little Rascals. Henceforth, Urrem'tier will be known as "Spanky."

System Announcement: In response to increased FCC regulation, we will now be issuing profanity warnings for use of the words "jeepers," "Jeez Louise" and "Jiminy Jillikers." In fact, all words beginning with the letter J will now result in a warning. We reserve the right to add further terms without notice.

That's it, you're all on notice.

System Announcement: To answer several players' questions, if your name begins with the letter J, you will have to come up with a catchy new nickname or risk having all your friends banned when they speak to you. The choice is yours. Thank you for your attention.

System Announcement: New changes are in place to give every player handling a scroll or parchment an 8% chance of receiving a papercut. There is an additional 8% chance that the cut will become gangrenous, and the affected body part will fall off. This is an intended feature, not a bug.

System Announcement: The EZ-Bake company has announced that they have purchased the rights to all Elanthian stoves and uncholai buckets and, henceforth, these will only produce miniature chocolate cakes.

System Announcement: We apologize for the oversight, but it appears that all Crossing bank accounts were improperly debited in the amount of 10000000 Kronars. We shall endeavor to ensure that this mishap does not occur again. We appreciate your understanding and support as we work to correct this situation as quickly and painlessly as possible.

[Your bank account in Crossing has been debited 10000000 Kronars.]

System Announcement: We are aware of the bug with Wayerd Pyramids. Yes, they are carnivorous. Please use at own risk, we will not be replacing any hands due to this bug.

---

Other Jokes

Sword in the Stone In the Crossing, characters who attempted to pull the sword from the stone stubbed their toes and hopped around comically.

{name} hops into view, grasping his wounded foot in agony!

{name} hops around on one leg, grasping his wounded foot in agony!

{name} hops comically around on one foot chanting, "Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch!"

---

2006

It is with regret that I announce the closure of the Empath Guild, but due to lack of funding, we are no longer able to maintain the high lifestyle to which you have all been accustomed. Thankfully, another guild has graciously agreed to take you all on. GL Imaar awaits you, with several yaks to choose from. We appreciate your years of service and ask that you remember us kindly in your wills.

Two Elotheans walk past and you overhear one say, "Did you know babies are born without kneecaps?" The fact is so overwhelming that the more you think about it...

You are stunned!

System Announcement: That's true, by the way.

System Announcement: No, it wasn't a joke. Babies don't have kneecaps. Look it up. :You can tell your mom you actually learned something in DR today.

System Announcement: Other than "a cool new medium blunt combo ZOMG!"

System Announcement: Everyone check WHO...

Your death cry echoes in your brain as it quickly dawns on you that you have just died! Already, you feel the tug of eternity upon your spirit and you struggle to remain tied to this world.?

System Announcement: Now check...

You are stunned! >! You are unconscious! lodges savagely in you! advances to melee on you! You are still stunned!

System Announcement: Ah well...I'll try it later tonight. ;)

System Announcement: As a public service, we have taken aways Solomon's access to Samatak for the remainder of the evening.

System Announcement: That still leaves the rest of us to party, however. Muahahahaha!

Unfortunately that means he still gets it back later on. I don't think we can apologize enough.

System Announcement: * Connection to the game has been lost. Oh wait. There it is. Sorry.

Because of rising inflation in the economy you will now be charged a 1 silver per circle fee for every room you enter. You must have the cash on hand.

1 silver has been deducted from your pockets.

Reports will be 1 plat per.

---

2003

System Announcements

A shimmering moongate flares into existence before you! A ragged-looking Dwarf steps through and says, "Right this way to Province 5!" He grunts once and steps back through the moongate. Just as you move towards the moongate, it collapses into nothingness

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