April Fool's Day
2010
April Fool's was more subdued in 2010 than it was in previous years. Simutronics recycled the funny appraisal messages from 2009 and the death messages from 2008 and 2009. Caravans had unusual appearances.
2009
2009 had more April Fool's jokes than most years.
Appraisal
Equipment appraisal values were replaced with netspeak.
| Real Value | Joke Value |
|---|---|
| no | no |
| poor | guh |
| low | ugh |
| fair | meh |
| moderate | store-bought |
| heavy | sweet |
| great | super-sweet |
| severe | woot |
| bone-crushing | omghax |
| devastating | |
| god-like |
| Real Value | Joke Value |
|---|---|
| not | |
| dismally | craptacularly |
| poorly | pitifully |
| fairly | not very |
| reasonably | decently |
| well | acceptably |
| excellently | |
| superbly | |
| incredibly | |
| unbelievably |
| Real Value | Joke Value |
|---|---|
| extremely weak | leet |
| flimsy | |
| somewhat flimsy | pretty dang lame |
| of average strength | somewhat lame |
| fairly sturdy | sorta lame |
| moderately strong | of average lameness |
| well-constructed | not quite lame |
| very strong | unlame |
| quite hard | not lame at all |
| incredibly hard | |
| unbelievably strong |
| Real Value | Joke Value |
|---|---|
| no | |
| poor | |
| rather low | pooparific |
| fair | pooptastic |
| moderate | |
| good | |
| very high | poopy |
| great | |
| impressive | starting to become $Qacceptable$Q |
| tremendous | |
| incredible | |
| god-like |
| Real Value | Joke Value |
|---|---|
| no | |
| poor | ROFLCOPTER |
| low | LOLPWNT |
| fair | uber weak |
| moderate | weak |
| good | hawt |
| high | supah hawt |
| great | way hawt |
| impressive | |
| tremendous | |
| incredible | |
| god-like |
| Real Value | Joke Value |
|---|---|
| no | |
| poor | |
| low | |
| fair | |
| moderate | wait, what? |
| good | good 'nuff |
| high | hardcore |
| great | |
| extreme | |
| extreme | |
| incredible | |
| god-like |
| Real Value | Joke Value |
|---|---|
| no | |
| insignificant | mildly annoying |
| light | uncalled for |
| low | |
| fair | VERY ANNOYING |
| moderate | borderline-abusive |
| high | |
| great | ridonkulous |
| overwhelming | |
| insane | insane |
Arrivals and Departures
There were different arrival, departure, and death messages. (See 2008 for the death messages.)
Arrival
- Name just cartwheeled into Elanthia. Whoops!
- Name just twitched his nose into existence.
- Name was incorrectly placed into the adventure by the system. Haha.
- Name was just deposited into the adventure by a mighty dragon!
- Name was just rippled into the adventure! (Really he was sneezed in! Shh!)
- Name's horse just threw him into the adventure. Catch!
Departure
- Name blinked back home to check his pet rock.
- Name just got sent home by the system. So long!
- Name lept upon his horse and trotted home.
- Name tried to cartwheel home, but didn't quite make it!
- Name was carried home by a mighty dragon!
- Name was just rippled out of the adventure!
Profiles
| Real Value | Joke Value |
|---|---|
| None | I'm all about the numbers! |
| Light | Arr-Peee? |
| Medium | I telleth ye yea, sirrah |
| Heavy | LARPer |
| Real Value | Joke Value |
|---|---|
| Closed | Leave me alone plz, kthxbai |
| Guarded | Don't muck with me unless you tell me first! |
| Open | Kill me now please! |
Other Jokes
Fake sudden death messages advised players that "Your body will decay beyond its ability to hold your soul in 30 seconds."
Mice and other strange animals pulled Trader caravans.
In the Crossing, there was a huge pile of platinum Kronars, and when you tried to get them, it said, "You reach out to touch the Kronars, but your hand passes right through them!"
As in 2008, you could see the "Fourth Wall" if you observed the sky.
2008
Field Experience
Field experience values were reversed. This had the effect of temporarily breaking scripts that checked for current field experience.
| Apparent Value | Actual Value |
|---|---|
| mind lock | clear |
| dazed | learning |
| bewildered | thoughtful |
| bewildering | pondering |
| perplexed | concentrating |
| perplexing | muddled |
| very muddled | very muddled |
| muddled | perplexing |
| concentrating | perplexed |
| pondering | bewildering |
| thoughtful | bewildered |
| learning | dazed |
| clear | mind lock |
Deaths
- Luckily, Name does not have but one life to give to his country!
- Name has just joined the choir invisible!
- Name is an ex-Guild!
- Name is crunchy and tastes good with ketchup.
- Name is having tea and crumpets with Kalag.
- Name is only mostly dead!
- Name just burnt himself into ashes!
- Name just got served!
- Name just got wai 2 srs!
- Name just passed on. He is no more. He has ceased to be.
- Name just pinched his nose and tried to sneeze!
- Name just said hello to my little friend.
- Name just snatched the sock puppet off of Urrem'tier's hand! Not smart!
- Name just stole Urrem'tier's pizza!
- Name just tried to join the Necromancer Guild!
- Name just tried to pick Kertigen's pocket!
- Name just watched "Two Togs, One Mug".
- Name just went (somewhat) gentle into that good night.
- Name just went down the road more travelled.
- Name just won a Darwin Award!
- Name needs a lot more Evasion. L2P!
- Name needs to learn how to duck. Seriously...
- Name was just eaten by a grue.
- Name was just PWND!
- Name will blame it on the rain, yeah, yeah. (Gotta blame it on something.)
- Name's metabolic processes are now history!
- They can take Name's life, but they can never take his FREEDOM!
Other Jokes
When observing the heavens, characters would see the "fourth wall." (The concept of the "fourth wall" originated in theater but now applies to the imaginary boundary between any fictional setting and its audience.)
2007
System Announcements
System Announcement: All jadeite gwethdesuans will now play "99 bottles of beer on the wall" when you have an incoming thought. Please do not assist, as turning this feature off is considered an in-game puzzle.
System Announcement: As of now, the "Real Gems" program has been discontinued, to be replaced by the "Real Hens" program. Players finding a chicken in the game will be sent an actual pullet via the U.S. Postal System. Please be sure your mailing address is up to date to prevent misrouted poultry. No P.O. boxes, please.
System Announcement: As our gift to you, the players, items deposited in a trash receptacle will be placed into a random player's inventory. Please do not assist to thank us if you are suddenly overburdened with 400 globs of blocil pulp.
System Announcement: As part of magic changes, all three moons are being rolled into one "Moon 2.0." and will be rainbow-colored. A 400-page users' guide will be posted shortly
System Announcement: Due to popular demand, mostly by women, use of razors will now have a random 5% chance of decapitation. Please shave at your own risk.
System Announcement: Effective immediately, the new "outhouse" system is live. Outhouses themselves should be in place next week. Look for new functionality to the "go" verb and please remember that all town littering laws are still in effect.
System Announcement: For Barbarian purposes, the definition of "magic" has been expanded to include the mysteries of "I've got your nose" and "counting past ten." Enjoy!
System Announcement: Gnomish bards may now electrify their musical instruments. They may incur a 10% chance of electrocution. In related news, players with broomsticks can now use them to bang on the ceiling and complain of excessive noise.
System Announcement: If you are assisting as to the location of outhouses, please cancel your assist. You should have thought of that before we left home.
System Announcement: In order to re-balance the Elanthian economy and encourage stamina training among our player base, the new official currency of Elanthia is giant stone coins. Please trade in your platinums at the nearest bank within the next 24 hours. Thank you.
System Announcement: In order to simplify our mythology for newer players, all gods have been renamed after the Little Rascals. Henceforth, Urrem'tier will be known as "Spanky."
System Announcement: In response to increased FCC regulation, we will now be issuing profanity warnings for use of the words "jeepers," "Jeez Louise" and "Jiminy Jillikers." In fact, all words beginning with the letter J will now result in a warning. We reserve the right to add further terms without notice.
- That's it, you're all on notice.
System Announcement: To answer several players' questions, if your name begins with the letter J, you will have to come up with a catchy new nickname or risk having all your friends banned when they speak to you. The choice is yours. Thank you for your attention.
System Announcement: New changes are in place to give every player handling a scroll or parchment an 8% chance of receiving a papercut. There is an additional 8% chance that the cut will become gangrenous, and the affected body part will fall off. This is an intended feature, not a bug.
System Announcement: The EZ-Bake company has announced that they have purchased the rights to all Elanthian stoves and uncholai buckets and, henceforth, these will only produce miniature chocolate cakes.
System Announcement: We apologize for the oversight, but it appears that all Crossing bank accounts were improperly debited in the amount of 10000000 Kronars. We shall endeavor to ensure that this mishap does not occur again. We appreciate your understanding and support as we work to correct this situation as quickly and painlessly as possible.
- [Your bank account in Crossing has been debited 10000000 Kronars.]
System Announcement: We are aware of the bug with Wayerd Pyramids. Yes, they are carnivorous. Please use at own risk, we will not be replacing any hands due to this bug.
Other Jokes
Sword in the Stone
In the Crossing, characters who attempted to pull the sword from the stone stubbed their toes and hopped around comically.
{name} hops into view, grasping his wounded foot in agony!
{name} hops around on one leg, grasping his wounded foot in agony!
{name} hops comically around on one foot chanting, "Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch!"
2006
It is with regret that I announce the closure of the Empath Guild, but due to lack of funding, we are no longer able to maintain the high lifestyle to which you have all been accustomed. Thankfully, another guild has graciously agreed to take you all on. GL Imaar awaits you, with several yaks to choose from. We appreciate your years of service and ask that you remember us kindly in your wills.
Two Elotheans walk past and you overhear one say, "Did you know babies are born without kneecaps?" The fact is so overwhelming that the more you think about it...
- You are stunned!
- System Announcement: That's true, by the way.
- System Announcement: No, it wasn't a joke. Babies don't have kneecaps. Look it up. :You can tell your mom you actually learned something in DR today.
- System Announcement: Other than "a cool new medium blunt combo ZOMG!"
System Announcement: Everyone check WHO...
- Your death cry echoes in your brain as it quickly dawns on you that you have just died! Already, you feel the tug of eternity upon your spirit and you struggle to remain tied to this world.?
System Announcement: Now check...
- You are stunned! >! You are unconscious! lodges savagely in you! advances to melee on you! You are still stunned!
System Announcement: Ah well...I'll try it later tonight. ;)
System Announcement: As a public service, we have taken aways Solomon's access to Samatak for the remainder of the evening.
- System Announcement: That still leaves the rest of us to party, however. Muahahahaha!
- Unfortunately that means he still gets it back later on. I don't think we can apologize enough.
System Announcement: * Connection to the game has been lost. Oh wait. There it is. Sorry.
Because of rising inflation in the economy you will now be charged a 1 silver per circle fee for every room you enter. You must have the cash on hand.
- 1 silver has been deducted from your pockets.
Reports will be 1 plat per.
2003
System Announcements
A shimmering moongate flares into existence before you! A ragged-looking Dwarf steps through and says, "Right this way to Province 5!" He grunts once and steps back through the moongate. Just as you move towards the moongate, it collapses into nothingness