Zozuskar
| Zozuskar | |
|---|---|
| Status | |
| Race | Human |
| Gender | Male |
| Guild | Paladin |
| Instance | Prime |
| Relatives | [[ |
The Man, the Myth, the LEGENDARY LOBOTOMY
In the realm of dragons and cupcakes there is a plague upon the land. It infects the souls of even the strongest warriors and delivers a blow so great, they completely lose their damn minds. Such was the case for Zozzy.
After a long and courageous battle with the Selloutitis virus, our hero succumbed to the pressure and was found propped up in the corner of a seedy bar, drooling and muttering about plats. While every effort was made to fix his addled mind, from gentle persuasion to out right bullying, the only thing left of the man was a bald pate and some armor.
An emergency lobotomy was preformed to preserve the shell but the insides would never be the same again. If you see this paladin, be gentle, speak slowly and understand that he is no longer what used to be.
Have You Seen This Paladin?
You see Judge Zozuskar Lanvaluit, High Lord of Justice of the Ilithi Infantry, a Human. He has a square-jawed face, wide-set clear-colored eyes and a cleft chin. He is bald, with weathered skin and a brawny build.
He is tall for a Human.
He appears to be venerable.
He has a thick beard twisted into three long braids.
He has a tattoo of a steel-headed war hammer on his right hand and a massive judge's gavel on his left hand. The heads of both devices fully cover the back of each fist, and the haft of each appears to lie on his forearm.
He is wearing an imposing iron helm affixed with splintered mammoth tusks, a reinforced nightsilk back harness, an elegant obsidian-black steelsilk greatcloak clasped with a kertig lion's maw, a rugged leather longcoat bearing an ornate pauldron, a Gorbesh catapult basket, a glistening black armored pack with silver rivet fastenings, a crescent-shaped steel tower shield embossed with a horn-of-plenty and a cluster of ripe red grapes, some dull iron gauntlets reinforced with kertig-inlaid knuckle plates, and a pair of stiff leather riveted boots.
Gumshoe Fact Sheet
- Suspect is extremely attractive and dangerous.
- Suspect has been known to collect military and group insignias.
- Suspect has served in several armies, including the Zoluren Cavalry, the Theren Guard, the Ilithi Mounted Cavalry, and is now employed by the Lotus Batallion of the Ilithi Infantry.
- Suspect is often seen with Draffaut, an Empath whose life he saved who is now indebted to him for all time.
- Suspect has never married but has a heterosexual life partner named Patre, who is the puppy to his ganache. Patre and the suspect were a two-man unit fighting necromancers: Patre tucked in behind the shield of the suspect, debilitating foes who the suspect would then strike down. Chilling.
- Suspect can often be found mining and forging armor.
Exhibit G
Seen recently in Shard:
A single spotlight is lit, trained upon the center of the stage at the Shoan a Sildelkuloa. After a few moments of shuffling and quiet giggles, two figures appear from behind the curtain and clamber into the center of the beam. Dressed in mint green pajamas and fuzzy slippers affixed with plush gryphon heads, the pair are rather out of place against the backdrop of the beautiful theatre.
Squinting out towards where the audience would be, the Prydaen and Elf whisper to each other before grinning widely at the empty theatre.
“Honorable dust bunnies and most welcome wood chips of the theatre...” the Prydaen calls out, motioning toward the seats.
“... Synamon and Allye Productions proudly presents, for the first time on stage...” the Elf exclaims.
Together they shout, “The Truest Love of Our Time, A Ballad!”
The girls fall in to each other, giggling. Finally, they regain their limited composure and begin to sing.
"Here's the story of a Tog named Patre,
Who grew up to be holy and bronze-green,
He had a tattoo, of a morning glory
On a spot that you might think obscene."
"Here's the story of the pally Zozzy,
Who we renamed so that this song would rhyme,
He donned his armor, and smote with vengeance,
But it was still a lonesome time."
"Til the one day when the pally met the Toggy,
And they knew, this partnership was fate,
They kissed the Rose, with not too much coercion,
And that's how they became -heterosexual- life mates!"
Just as they launch into the next verse, a loud clap causes all the lights in the theatre to come on!
A voice from backstage, one that could only belong to a stunning, intelligent and fabulous Bardess, rings out melodically, “Girls! We talked about you two sneaking into the theatre at ni..." Her admonishment cuts off with a shocked gasp. "Oh my gods! What are you wearing?!”
Warning
PLEASE NOTE that this man and his accomplices are both charmed and dangerous! If you see Zozuskar, do not attempt to apprehend him. Instead, notify the authorities (Sheriffs Synamon and Allye) and then run away screaming.
Disclaimer
This profile has been brought to you by (the players of) Synamon and Allye! The content has not really been reviewed, approved or in any way endorsed by Zozuskar, except for that time we showed him the ballad and he reminded us to add the "heterosexual lifemates" part.