Cythra/Wolf
The Wolf
Cythra says, "First, a little background on this tale is probably in order before I tell it." Cythra says, "I was inspired by an amazing story titled The Gardener Singer by Useff that was performed as a beautiful duet by Useff and Nilme and decided I wanted to try a duet thing too." Cythra says, So I wrote this fun little tale with that in mind." Cythra says, "In the spirit of that, the part of the Wolf will be read by Eerie."
Cythra stands next to Eurynomile. Cythra beams at Eurynomile. Cythra says, "I surprised her." Cythra says to Eurynomile, "Surprise." Cythra smiles at Eurynomile. Cythra hands Eurynomile a copy of the script.
Cythra says, "This tale, like others in this series, is based on a story that was once told to me by a traveler from far away, but I fixed it." Cythra says, "No children were harmed in the writing of this story." Cythra says, "I can't necessarily say the same about the listening of this story."
Cythra clears her throat. Cythra opens her pretend storybook. Cythra nods.
Cythra recites,
"Hi. I'm Cythra."
Cythra nods.
Cythra recites,
"Yes, THE Cythra. I'm here to tell you a story."
Cythra says, "With the kind assistance of Eerie, as the Wolf. Cythra curtseys to Eurynomile. Cythra quietly says to Eurynomile, "You read where it says, “The Wolf says” Cythra heartily applauds Eurynomile.
Cythra recites,
"Once upon a time (this is how you know it's a true story)..."
Cythra smiles convincingly.
Cythra recites,
"There were three little pigs."
Cythra recites,
"The pigs were all brothers born at the same time, but they were not twins. No, no, no. Two pigs would be called twins."
Cythra rubs a gleaming bronze badge embossed with "Be glad I'm not a twin!".
Cythra recites,
"But three pigs is called a luau."
Cythra recites,
"Unlike a luau of people children, these little pigs were not all born at the same time side by side but instead one after the other."
Cythra recites,
"Also unlike a luau of people children, they did not do everything together."
Cythra recites,
"Now the youngerist little pig, whose name I can’t pronounce because I don’t speak pig and if I did speak pig I wouldn’t admit it."
Cythra smiles and seems to glance your way.
Cythra recites,
"And neither should you."
Cythra recites,
"Grew up to be a gambler and a wastrel because it is fun to say “wastrel”.
Cythra recites,
"Being a gambler, the youngerist little pig built his house out of playing cards."
Cythra recites,
"The middleist little pig whose name I also can’t pronounce, for the same reason I can’t pronounce the name of the youngerest little pig, grew up to be a silly, lazy dreamer."
Cythra recites,
"Being who he was, the middleist little pig built his house out of organic sticks and sat outside it all day playing a washtub bass and drinking gluten free water."
Cythra recites,
"The olderist little pig (don’t make me say it about his name) grew up to be reliable and stable."
Cythra recites,
"Being the stable one, the olderist little pig built his house out of bricks and didn’t own playing cards or a washtub bass."
Cythra turns a pretend page in her pretend storybook.
Cythra recites,
"One day a nattily dressed wolf who was running for political office,"
Cythra nods towards Eurynomile.
Cythra recites,
"Whose name I don’t know because he was just a local politician,"
Cythra recites,
"Decided to canvas the neighborhood where the little pigs lived."
Cythra recites,
"First, he approached the house of the youngerist little pig. When the youngerist little pig saw the wolf coming, he dashed inside and hid behind the closed door saying, Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin."
Cythra recites,
"Which makes no sense."
Cythra recites,
"He probably learned to say that from the town drunk."
Cythra hums to herself.
Cythra recites,
"When the Wolf reached the door and knocked, the whole house, being made of playing cards, collapsed in a flurry."
Cythra recites,
"Flurry is also fun to say."
Cythra grins at Eurynomile.
Cythra recites,
"The youngerist little pig then ran to the house of the middleist little pig to hide."
Cythra recites,
"When the Wolf got to the house of the middleist little pig, he knocked and said,"
Cythra quietly says to Eurynomile, "Now." Cythra glances at Eurynomile. Cythra points to a spot on Eurynomile’s page. Cythra quietly says to Eurynomile, "Right there."
Cythra recites,
"I’m sure he said something like, “Little pig, if you’re a voter let me in.”
Cythra smiles at Eurynomile hopefully.
Cythra recites,
"The Wolf..."
Cythra smiles and nods towards Eurynomile again.
Cythra recites,
"Then heard the middleist little pig inside muttering, "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin," which still makes no sense regardless of where he learned it."
Cythra recites,
"Then the Wolf shouted at the house..."
Cythra glances at Eurynomile.
Cythra recites,
"I bet he shouted to the pigs, “Please come to the door, I am just here to discuss local issues!”
Cythra asks Eurynomile "Didn’t he?" Cythra quietly says to Eurynomile, "You’re doing great." Cythra shifts uncomfortably.
Cythra recites,
"Because he was a politician, the hot air from his shouting knocked down the precarious house of sticks built by the middleist little pig."
Cythra recites,
"Because precarious is also fun to say.
Cythra says, "This really is a fun story."
Cythra glances Eurynomile.
Cythra recites,
"Umm, I guess he also should have used some organic mud but what do silly, lazy pigs know about building houses with sticks?"
Cythra recites,
"The youngerist little pig and the middleist little pig then ran to the house of the olderist little pig."
Cythra recites,
"When the youngerist little pig and the middleist little pig got to the house of the olderist little pig he asked them, “what are you two idiots up to now?”
Cythra says, "It's a term of endearment."
Cythra recites,
"The youngerist little pig and the middleist little pig then explained to the olderist little pig what happened."
Cythra recites,
"The olderist little pig assured them that they would all be safe in his house of brick and invited them in for lunch."
Cythra recites,
"Once inside the olderist little pig put a kettle of water on the fire in case the wolf tried to climb down the chimney and because it was tea time."
Cythra recites,
"Of course, it wasn’t long before the Wolf approached the house of the olderist little pig."
Cythra nibbles on her lip.
Cythra recites,
"At the door the wolf knocked and said..."
Cythra sighs.
Cythra smiles and glances nervously at Eurynomile.
Cythra recites,
"I think what she, uhh, he said is, “Little pig, if you’re a voter, let me in.”
Cythra shifts uncomfortably.
Cythra recites,
"The olderist little pig exclaimed, "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!" (What in the various hells does that even mean?) Then the Wolf shouted...
Cythra fidgets.
Cythra recites,
"I’ll tell you what he shouted, he shouted, “I am just here to discuss local issues!”
Cythra quietly says to Eurynomile, "I think it’s going really well."
Cythra fans herself.
Cythra recites,
"But, as you probably guessed, the house of bricks also collapsed in a heap of rubble because what do stable pigs know about building houses with bricks?"
Cythra fidgets.
Cythra recites,
"Then the Wolf wailed,"
Cythra flails wildly accidentally scattering the pages of her script all around.
Cythra exclaims, "Oh no!"
Cythra blinks.
Cythra recites,
"Uhhh... Yes! That’s what he wailed, “Oh no!”
Cythra recites,
"The Wolf scrambled to drag the shattered, mangled, lifeless bodies of the little pigs out of the wreckage."
Cythra recites,
"The Wolf then saw to it that all three little pigs were properly buried at a big ceremony…"
Cythra recites,
"In graves of hot coals because that’s what you do with a luau of pigs."
Cythra recites,
"The moral of this story is…"
Cythra gazes at Eurynomile.
Cythra recites,
"Umm, where was I?"
Cythra recites,
"Umm, yeah, let’s hear it for Eerie!"
Cythra giggles a bit oddly.
Cythra gives an awkward curtsy, nearly falling!
Conception Notes:
I always thought it would be great to perform a duet with Eerie but she was determined to remain steadfastly audience. Even though she was a brilliant writer, I think I only ever saw her perform publicly once. This story was the closest I could manage to a "duet" and she was probably still uncomfortable with her level of participation. It's amazing she put up with me. The idea was that she was a surprised, unsuspecting participant in the story. This essentially made her the "victim" and me the "villain" whose comeuppance was in uncomfortably having to continue the caravan wreck of a story despite the lack of participation of the "victim". I'm still not sure it was as entertaining as I'd hoped.
In this tale I again tried to capture the vein of my other twisted fairy tales, which began with my Hansel and Gretel story, including such Cythra devices as reading from a pretend storybook, mentioning whether or not the characters were twins, words that are half made-up (like "olderist"), a dark twist and a surprising moral at the end of the tale. I don't recall why I chose to tell the story of The Three Little Pigs.