User talk:Reene/Astrology

Comments

Kraggur

((GRRR.... just lost the comments I had written... these’ll be more brief than what I’d written earlier.))

Broken down by Chapter (Ch) and Paragraph (P). All references refer to their current order.

Overall well written, just some suggested changes to provide more information or clarity:

Ch 1 In Ch1 I would include some of the messaging from Aura Sight to help demonstrate the point about moon mages being able to see what others cannot.

Ch 2 Would move P3 before P2 – P3 talks about cloud cover, which hinders observations, it also talks about predicting weather, a useful skill even with intense rainstorms.

Ch 2, P2 ‘’The areas of knowledge that the sun, Xibar, Yavash, Katamba, and The Heart correspond to are offense and survival, lore, magic and survival, defense, and lore respectively.’’ The corresponding areas of knowledge to these simpler bodies are: the sun (offense and survival), Xibar (lore), Yavash (magic and survival), Katamba (defense), and the Heart (lore).

This would help tighten up the language and make a little more understandable.

Ch 2, P4 ‘’ This is an inexact art at best, however; a seer can on one attempt find themselves favored by Fate so that the blows of their weapon always seem to strike true and on another find that their body is sluggish and less able to evade attacks from an opponent.’’ I would make the example the same: “… always seem to strike true, and on another find that their body is sluggish and less able to strike an opponent where they desire.”

Ch 2, P5 Would include WHY event prediction is best done at night: EX – ‘’The sky is best studied at night; it is difficult to glean enough insight to predict events during the day.’’ This is because predicting events relies upon observing many different strands of fate in a limited period of time. During the daylight hours, at best four objects are in the sky to study. At nighttime there are (insert number here… ~15-20?), a fourfold increase for the experienced mage.

Ch 2, P5 I generally favor using the guild title available, in this case Apprentice.

Ch 3 I like the detailed descriptions here. Reminded me of a curse I gave myself once, duration council of the gods… thank goodness it was on slings skill.

Ch 3, P5 I’m not certain, but I believe that observing the “good” bodies is more likely to turn (or result in) a positive prediction, while observing the “negative” gives more curses.

Also, do fuller prediction pools lead more to being able to turn a prediction? (this is all anecdotal, I’ve not sat down to really crunch numbers on this)

Ch 4, P1 The brief description of the qualities of the moons, or the place where they are referenced would be nice here. The Celestial Compact is the book:

“Attaining strength and power was an important goal of the Compact, as I've said, but many of its members disagreed quite strongly on the methods with which to accomplish that. They each had their own ideas. But they soon enough became divided into just three separate schools of thought. A poet and entertainer who had been chartered by the Phelim Club to perform wrote the following of said divisions into an Elven satire:

"Fiery-headed and full of flaming passion, the scions of Yavash are quick to make decisions, and make them with little regret for the consequences. They act in the radiant light of the red moon's glare, and believe they should rule in the light."

"Skulking in the shadows of the black moon, these would fellows would opt to remain in the shadows of the throne. They shall safely pull the strings of puppet lords, unseen by all."

"Coldly logical and at the same time as fluid as the icy blue waters so resembling their master Xibar, this lot says moderation is the way to go. Neither of the above is right, and neither are wrong. Dark is light and light is dark."

Though not taken with the humor the satirist had hoped, his remarks about the three moons stuck. The three divisions within Phelim's Compact's hierarchy became known as the Assembly of Xibar, the Assembly of Yavash, and by far the most prominent at that time, the Assembly of Katamba. At this juncture the organization also changed its name to the Celestial Compact, in honor of the stars and moons which gave them their magic and foresight, and also as a tribute to the three Assemblies.”

I'm avoiding including that imagery because it adds nothing significant to the knowledge of the book - if they use align moon they'll see something that anyway, and besides, that's Celestian lore. And a pool is a pool is a pool; it doesn't matter where you get your observations from. I'll think about the stylistic changes. Reene 18:58, 9 June 2009 (UTC)