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"Without my Pride" -- The Story of Cemsiat
It is said that there is no redemption for one who has
fallen -- that they are forever cursed to roam the land alone.
It is known that one will be denied absolution for one's
crimes, barring the intervention of only She who can --
Tenemlor. One will find no rest, and scant comfort along the
remainder of one's life journey. Inevitably, one will die
alone, deprived of whatever hope one might have had, and
completely forgotten by the society in which one used to live.
One will only know of suffering, reminding one of the tragic
actions which brought this fate to pass.
Such a fate befell my ancestor, whose crime was the most
severe one of the people can commit. He was the first, and
therefore all those who act as he did bear his name as well,
but thankfully, the name has only been taken by a few since
since then. It is his ordeal and the shame that accompanied
it that continue to serve as a constant reminder to the rest
rest of our people.
However, there is more to tell on my ancestor's behalf;
eventually he did find redemption and was granted peace by
Tenemlor. His story is an important aspect of the people's
culture and lifestyle, and therefore one feels compelled to
record it for future generations to read. You will find it
is in his own words, for there is no other who could tell it
better. What follows is also merely the beginning, and there
is no better place to start. May what is contained here serve
as a guide to the way things were, and show that life has few
absolutes.
Ra'sulor
Claw of Eu
Mid-summer was quickly approaching, and the rains had
not yet come to the jungle near Amberglen Hub. I crouched
low in the underbrush with the scent of my prey heavy upon
my nostrils.
So close was I that if I listened carefully I could hear
the life-beat pounding out a steady rhythm. The sound it made
was music to my ears, and I sensed the bloodlust starting to
rise within me. Soon would come the moment to pounce, and the
world around me faded into some obscure place; all that existed
was the prey. Suddenly, a new scent assailed me, and a low
snarl escaped from my throat. It was instinctual, but also a
mistake as my prey bounded away deeper into the brush.


"Tagol, you have once again cost me my kill." I said.
"Have I now? Perhaps you are not so great a hunter as
you would have the Pride believe, eh, Cemsiat?" remarked my
unwelcome intruder.
I gave little notice to his insulting comment. Many of
the other males in the Pride were jealous of my skills, Tagol
foremost amongst them, and I had become somewhat numb to their
never-ending attempts to prove me the lesser Prydaen. Besides,
I had more pressing matters to attend to. So I quietly dis-
appeared deeper into the brush, leaving Tagol talking to the
trees behind me.
It took very little time for me to regain the scent of my
prey, and I quickly began setting it up for the kill. Soon I
would have my prize, the last item necessary to gain Siralor's
favor. No, it was not customary that I do this in order for us
to become life-mates, but ours was not the ordinary love, and
therefore it called for something different. There was nothing
I would not do for her, though she hardly needed or required
such attentions from me. After all, she was near my equal in
skill, where hunting was concerned.
With no further interruptions from Tagol, I made short
work of the beast with my claws. There is something pure and
euphoric about looking down upon a fresh kill, knowing that you
were the better. Taking its heart, as I always do, I quenched
the bloodlust burning within me, finishing it in a few frenzied
bites. I then cleaned and dressed the kill, preparing for the
long journey home.
Night had fallen long before I returned to Amberglen, the
bonfire raging in the central clearing serving as a bright
beacon that welcomed me back into civilization. Siralor,
eyeing the bundle slung over my shoulders, flashed me a feral
grin. Even from such a distance as was currently between us,
I could see the pride and adoration she felt toward me. Tired
from my journey, I wanted to collapse, but the light in her
eyes suffused me with a renewed strength.
By now the news of my return had spread throughout the
settlement, and a small crowd was forming. From within that
swirling mass of bodies emerged the High Priest, Adinax. He
came to stand before me, and quietly asked, "You have completed
the task?"
As I opened my mouth to answer, another spoke for me.
"No, he has not, your Reverence."
Several gasps were heard from the crowd, and all eyes
within the Hub turned to look upon the speaker, including mine.
"Why is it I have asked a question of Cemsiat, and it is
you who answers, Tagol?" asked the High Priest.
"I would have you know the truth, your Reverence," Tagol
answered.
Quietly I listened to their conversation, too surprised to
speak a word of my own in protest. What I heard being said
amazed me, and I stood there dumbstruck. Tagol was accusing
me of stealing his kill, and claiming it for my own. I had
always thought Tagol a disreputable sort, but hardly thought
him capable of the blatant lie he now told. So absorbed did I
become in thought over their exchange that I failed to notice
the High Priest was now addressing me.
"Cemsiat, what say you to these charges?"
Finally, after a few awkward moments I found my tongue.
"Part of what he claims is true," I stated.
Casting a withering glance to where Tagol crouched nearby,
I began to tell the High Priest my account of the events during
the day. I told everything I could recall, including how many
times I took to relieve myself during the hunt. All the while
I continued to bear the burden of the bundle slung upon my
shoulders. What little strength Siralor had given me had
quickly fled during the whole of this ordeal, and I could feel
my knees beginning to give way beneath the weight. Just when
I thought I could bear it no more, the High Priest spoke.
However, it was not to me.
"Tagol, it is well known you harbor some jealousy toward
Cemsiat. Long have we Elders watched the two of you engage in
a competition of sorts, trying to prove which of you is the
better hunter. It was hoped that you both would grow out of
such behavior, and while one of you has, the other continues
the game alone. You have brought up serious charges here,
especially considering the nature of the task Cemsiat was
given. However, one need only look at Cemsiat to see it was
he who made the kill -- the blood of it still stains his fur,
and even now his body aches from exhaustion. Your charges have
been heard, and now are dismissed."
The low, guttural snarl that escaped Tagol's throat sur-
prised not only myself but also all those gathered. The High
Priest showed no signs of such though. He simply pointed
toward the gate, and oddly enough, Tagol complied. I was able
to watch him start to go before the last of my strength was
spent; I heard Siralor call out my name as I collapsed into
darkness.
It was late in the afternoon when I awoke from my sleep,
my body still a bit sore from the efforts of the day before.
Siralor was nowhere to be found, but then that was as it should
be. Life-mates were not to see each other until the time of
the joining. Tonight would be perfect, as there was nothing
left to keep us apart, unless the bundle I had brought was not
sufficient enough. There was only one person I could ask to
be sure, the High Priest.
"Why would you think this not sufficient, Cemsiat?" he
asked as I stood before him.
"It is not so much I think that it is not, Reverent One,
but surely you understand my need to be sure?" I responded.
He simply smiled at me, and nodded.
"The beast you brought is more than sufficient to feed the
rest of the Pride, my boy. You have surely outdone yourself.
We shall have to find a use for all the extra meat though, for
we cannot let it go to waste. Tenemlor would not be pleased if
we did that."
I nodded, understanding the wisdom and lesson behind his
words. We hunt, we kill, but we do not do so in excess.
"Go now, young Cemsiat. You have a ceremony to prepare
for, and I do not think Siralor would appreciate you collapsing
again this eve. At least, not until afterwards."
At that, we both laughed, and I left to make final prepa-
rations for the night's festivities.
******
The bonfire blazed before me, towering toward the starlit
sky above. One is easily mesmerized by the dance of color
that plays within it, and the rhythmic crackling sound of the
wood as it burns. I can say without a doubt that it instilled
within me a feeling not unlike what comes over one when they
are on the hunt. It is indescribable at best, and mere words
will hardly do it justice. Nothing in life up to that point
could have prepared me for her arrival, so beautiful was she,
silhouetted by the inferno raging nearby. I swear to you that
my heart skipped a beat.
We took our places before the High Priest, and thus began
the ceremony that would make us life-mates. However, someone
had other plans.
"As a servant of Demrris, I will not allow this union to
take place," was heard from the darkness. Siralor and I both
turned to face the one who would challenge our being together.
It was none other than Tagol, crouched in a battle stance with
a barbed spear held at the ready.
It was Siralor who spoke before anyone else.
"You have no right to prevent this, Tagol. You sought me,
and I refused. You have reached a new level with this stunt,
one in a long line of such. Leave now, and none will think you
a coward for doing so."
Her words surprised me, for I had not known that Tagol had
courted her as I had. Tagol must have seen the look on my face
and thought that a good moment to strike. I would have never
dodged his attack, but there was no need to. Siralor had seen
it coming, and in one quick step had placed herself in the path
of the spear. Her body crumpled to the ground at my feet with
nary a sound to betray the pain she must have felt.
The crowd erupted in a stunned horror, their gasps and
mutters rising into the night. I knelt and grasped her motion-
less body to mine, and took one long, last look at her as I
growled out these words:
"I suggest you run now, Tagol. Best that you enjoy the
last few moments you have before I catch you and rend the life
from your body."
At my words, everything and everyone within the hub had
fallen into a deathly silence, save for the sound of Tagol's
footsteps retreating quickly into the darkness. The bloody
spear lay on the ground nearby, and I snatched it up as I
started to follow him out the gate.
"Cemsiat, do not do this!" I heard Adinax exclaim. But
my mind was entirely elsewhere, and there was nothing anyone
could have done or said to stop me.

******
It was hardly a challenge tracking Tagol through the
brush. Even a yearling hunter could have followed the trail
he was leaving in his wake. I imagine the only thing on his
mind was a quick flight away from the hub, so he carelessly
gave me all I needed to follow right behind him.
I caught up to him just this side of briar-cliff, in the
small clearing that overlooks the savannah below. There was
little need to see the expression on his face; I could smell
the miasma of fear wafting from him. The scent was repulsive
to me. At the time, I recall hoping that he could smell the
anger and hatred that was chasing him. I wanted him to suffer
for what he had done.
"Run all you like, Tagol, for I will find you," I growled.
"You cannot kill me, Cemsiat, it is forbidden!" he said
anxiously.
Obviously he had already forgotten what had taken place
back at the hub, where Siralor lie dead by his hand.
"Forbidden or not, you die tonight, and for what you
have done, I doubt the Triquetra will even take notice."
In that instant, I struck with a fury that no hunter has
ever unleashed on his prey. Tagol was dead after the first
thrust, but that did nothing to deter my hand from thrusting
the spear into his flesh, time and time again. Stained from
head to foot with his blood, and almost to the point of col-
lapsing from exhaustion, I finally slowed my actions. With
one last quick downward swing, I separated his head from what
was left of his mutilated body. Then...I sat down to feast.
I awoke at the dawning of the new day, and to a stench
more foul than any I have ever encountered. Carrion birds
circled high overhead, apparently aware I still lived, but
expecting me to perish any minute. Considering all the blood
that stained the grass of the clearing, it is a wonder they
had not already begun their work. It was then that the horror
of what I had done hit me full force.
I began to weep. I wept for Siralor, who had given her-
self to the Wheel so that I may live on. And I wept for Tagol,
who had gone to the Wheel at my hand, an act that is forbidden.
It was sometime while I wept that the other hunters found me.
******
Night was approaching when we reached Amberglen. I went
willingly, aware of my crime, and wanting to face the punish-
ment for it. The other Prydaen all wore looks of bewilderment
that quickly turned to expressions of horror as they noticed
that my once-golden fur was now stained crimson. I was paraded
around the settlement, so that all might know what I had done.
I had expected this, but I had not expected the bonfire to no
longer be raging. Where once flames of yellow and orange
towered toward the sky, a pile of ashes remained.
It was into that pile of ashes that I was thrown.
Out of the crowd, High Priest Adinax emerged and
approached where I lay, my fur now colored a sooty grey. I
prepared myself for the worst, but I was not prepared for
the words he actually spoke.
"I have good news for you, Cemsiat," he stated quietly.
It was my turn to look bewildered. Good news? How could
there be good news regarding the events of last night? Surely
they had informed him of the condition they found me in?
"You are mistaken, Reverent One, there can be no good news
for me," I said.
"How wrong you are Cemsiat, for Siralor lives still. Had
you remained but a few moments more here last night, instead of
giving chase to Tagol, you would have been aware of such."
"She lives?" I asked.
He nodded. "Her condition is not stable, but she has not
yet journeyed to the Wheel. Nor do the healers expect she will
do so."
I began to weep.
"I thought you should know this before you are dealt with,
so that you could carry some measure of hope with you," he said.
Looking up at him through tear-streaked eyes, I barely
registered his words. She lives, he had said so. I could
endure any hardship so long as she still lived.
It was at this point we all heard the voice of Demrris
speak into our hearts and minds, though it was directed
entirely at my own actions.
"Slayer of kin, you are no longer Mine. To hunt is a gift
I gave to My children, to feed themselves on the meat of lesser
things. You have turned from this, and used claw against kin.
No longer are you one of the Pride, and you shall walk alone
and know no companionship with your fellow Prydaen. Your name
shall bear the mark of this shame for all eternity. Be gone
from here, Cemsiat. Perhaps in time Tenemlor will allow your
spirit to enter Her country to rejoin the Pride, but not in
this lifetime."
With this said, His voice was gone from our hearing, but
His words carried their effect. An agonizing pain pulled me
back into focus from the contemplation of His words, and I
gave the High Priest a questioning look even as I lapsed into
unconsciousness.
******
The sound of running water woke me from what had seemed a
deeper sleep than ever I had taken before. Surely as a skilled
hunter I would never have slept so deeply, nor in so open a
place. I had dreamt the strangest dream, too. Odd -- I must
have been exhausted from trying to track my prey the previous
day.
My prey!
Damn, it was morning! Siralor will not be pleased that I
failed to return last eve. She will be disturbed when I tell
her of my dream as well. I tried to flick my tail in annoyance
at the whole affair.
My tail?
It was then I realized that it had not been a dream at
all. Everything had happened. I fell to my knees and cried
anew. In the short span of two days I had gained everything I
had ever wanted, and then lost it all.
"I see you are awake," spoke a familiar voice.
"What have you done to me?" I asked.
"We have done what the Gods demanded we do to you, Cem-
siat," he said flatly, with little emotion. "The night you
followed Tagol into the brush, we knew the outcome before it
even occurred. I doubt you remember killing those two hunters
I ordered to stop you either, do you?"
I shook my head. I was not aware I had done such.
"Once you had killed them, which is forbidden, the bon-
fire snuffed itself, and the ashes were immediately cool to
the touch. However, it was not until you killed Tagol that a
discordant mingling of voices, those of the Triquetra, spoke
to the whole of us in the hub. They instructed that once you
had returned I was to remove your tail, for it is the symbol
to our people of a kin slayer."
He paused for a short time, letting that sink in.
"I have sent runners to all the other hubs, informing
them of what you have done. Do not expect to find sanctuary
among them. You have committed the most serious of crimes
kin can commit. Therefore, you have received the severest
of punishments."
Again, he paused. Perhaps he expected me to say some-
thing in my defense, but knowing what I had done, what could
I have said?
"That river you hear nearby marks the boundary, and so
once you cross it, do not come back. I should also tell you
that Amberglen Hub no longer exists, we have been instructed
to move on. All that you knew, all that you were, are gone."
With that, he turned and walked into the trees. I turned
as well, and began looking for a way across the river. I did
not look back; I was too afraid to do so.

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